before you get your panties in a twist over me insulting the school i attend, please keep in mind that we all have our reasons for choosing this particular institution. for my reasons, please refer to the shriveling and dying of the money tree (papa bear’s wallet). if you know me at all, you understand that i am, at my core, an underachiever or what more kind individuals refer to as a “free spirit”. although i don’t fault myself a single bit for living at home and being a noncontributing member of society in general, you might. to me, that sounds like a personal problem. did you hear that? super sassy. anyway, i underachieve. i’ve always believed that if you set the bar low enough, success is not only more enjoyable, but downright surprising. in my humble opinion, community college is the scholastic manifestation of underachievement. it may be that i’ve finally found my passion in life (eating... i mean, cooking) or that somehow between mercer and the fine college i now attend, i obtained some sort of magical genius (doubtful), whichever the case may be i’ve gained maximum grades with minimal effort. should i feel bad about this? probably. but you know what, i don’t. going to this school is like having season passes to a three ring circus; it gives me endless material on which the humor you, i’ve finally gotten to see what actually happens when people are raised by wolves, and i think i am building some abdominal muscles from laughing so hard at other people. in all seriousness, i like this community college thing. beyond the obvious ego boosting qualities, i get to cook shit and then get graded for it. sure, i turn crimson and astonishingly procure a mumble every time someone asks me where i go to school, but let me be candid, i quite like being the coolest kid at dragoncon. and i guess, what this whole thing boils down to, other than the fact that i am content in my laziness, is that my lackadaisical approach to school won’t hurt anyone in the end. we’re talking food here, people (casey bowen voice). as long as i don’t inadvertently give you some kind of foodborne illness or even if i do, i think the world will continue rotating on its axis.
my goals probably aren’t as lofty as yours. i don’t really care about changing the world. as long as there are shoes sales and bottles of vodka available, i think the world is just fine. right now, i’m perfectly content cooking things that people enjoy and writing things that make those same people tinkle in their pants, a little.
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