cosmic counseling.

i remember a time (yesterday) when every major life decision was made using one of the following methods: magic 8 ball, horoscopes, ipod dipping, mash, chinese fortune tellers, or bible dipping. if i can’t shake, click, shuffle, spell, count or point my way to a solution, then damnit, there isn’t a solution to be had.

go ahead, trust in your “everything happens for a reason” philosophy. as far as i’m concerned everything happens because i trust the shuffle on my ipod to pick a song worthy of interpreting my ever so important and life changing queries. do you need to know whether or not you should go to the bar on a monday? shake a magic 8 ball. when the ball tells you, “ask again later”, drink a bottle of wine and give it another try. do you need to know when the next dramatic mood swing (due to the graviational pull/alignment of pluto, the dwarf planet) will send your friends running in the opposite direction? you better get your crabby (astrological sign joke?) ass to the nearest horoscope app/use the interweb and pick up on your planetary vibes. need to figure out who you’ll marry, where you’ll live, what your salary, occupation and child count will be? duh, mash that shit. do you have only mere days left until formal and have yet to choose a date? get to folding, numbering, color coding and candidate selecting, it’s time for a chinese fortune teller (true story). need general, hardly accurate and always out of context advice from the jesus? dust off the bible your grandma gave you, ask a broad and generally open-ended question, start ruffling the pages, jab your finger onto a random page and start reading. now you have, by word of divine authority, the answer to all your problems. i think sometimes, in an attempt to be “grown-ups” we decide to make things more complicated than they should be. we discuss at length the nature of, variables of, and solutions to our various problems, questions and concerns, rarely considering the fact that despite our best and lengthiest analysis, most things either fall apart or fall into place. 

when you really think about it, you probably already know whether or not you’re going out on a monday, when you’re grumpy, and who you will definitely not be marrying. why not let yourself be surprised with some vague cosmic readings which coincide perfectly with your current mood and/or situation, live in a shack with brad pitt (hey, i’d take it), or have the theme song to your life be drake’s “fancy”? feel free to discuss your feelings, but don’t be upset when i only answer yes or no questions with phrases such as, “it is decidedly so” and "as i see it, no".

magic 8 ball application. seer of all things, and the direct answer to the question: "will i ever graduate from college?"

finally, and on a completely unrelated note, oreo and i are loving our friend britney's new music video, although we are pretty sure brit brit stole/took inspiration from the first line from little princess o 
♫ this kitten got your tong tied in knots i see ♫