designer diploma.

i’m going out on a limb here and putting your high school english composition and/or elementary writing skills to the test with something i am calling a simile/analogy combo. 

a diploma from mercer is like a pair of designer shoes. 

ok, maybe designer shoes is a bit of a stretch, but mercer is at least similar to a pair of overpriced marginally well-known brand name shoes in a pricey boutique. you see, a mercer diploma, similar to the friends hanging out in my closet, and on my floor, in my car, and in my purse, is all about the label. sure, mercer is no yale or harvard; it’s not a vanderbilt, hell, it’s not even an emory, but the fact remains that what mercer lacks in credentials, football players, and enrollment statistics it makes up for in that sneaky little designer price tag. and, just like those crafty boutiques, high end department stores and online shops, mercer offers their own personal brand of coupons and free shipping cunningly masked as these things they call scholarships. you honestly don’t even have to be that smart (personal experience) and this school will literally throw money at you. so, you’ve given into the scam, combined several coupons and decide to make mercer your home for the next four (five if you’re lucky, six if you’re ridiculous, and seven if you’re me) years. what do you expect to get out of this? if mercer is anything like a pair of overpriced designer shoes, which duh i’ve said like ten times i think it is, you can expect plenty of pain, regret, general discomfort, recognition of poor decision making skills, barefootedness, falling, and possible bodily harm. the pain comes when you realize you’re expected to go to class while hungover to listen to some loser pontificate over matters of “epic importance” (no thank you, if you want to learn something take dr. macke). the regret surfaces when you find out that even after your 21st birthday you can’t legally drink in your (on campus) place of residence and that your body can and will be considered a “container” and while intoxicated is not allowed on campus either. the general discomfort occurs when you see the ragamuffins which are now your “classmates”. the recognition of poor decision making skills comes after the aforementioned realizations and at the point which you understand that you will spend the next ten years of your life paying off your college loans/receive angry scowls from papa bear concerning how much of his hard earned money went to your damn designer degree. the barefootedness, falling, and bodily injury are more personal interjections which reflect the level of intoxication necessary to deal with the above list of general complaints. and hey, guess what? most hobos wouldn't know a manolo from a steve madden if you hit them in the face with it. 

there is hope in all this, kiddos. for those discerning enough to know the difference there is a huge distinction between your cute jessica simpson platforms (georgia state) and a pair of ($1200) christian louboutins (mercer). let’s just hope that your potential employer didn’t get their pumps at tj maxx and that you know how to rock the shit out of that designer diploma. 

did i take it too far with the shoe analogy?

i'm gonna betch slap you shetbag!