forgive me blogspot, for i have sinned. it has been 22 days since my last blogfession. eh, you’ll get over it; oreo and i have been very busy little (or not) kittens.
did you know that you have to have a job in order to pay for an eminent move into the city? it’s insane. also, did you know that a bachelors degree (a designer diploma, at that) coupled with a completely pointless associates degree from a prestigious technical school no longer qualify you for any job, whatsoever? it’s true. at any rate, princess o and i are ready to be adults and are looking forward to the spacious cardboard box (of the refrigerator variety, of course) that we will soon be inhabiting. in preparation for such a move, and because i obviously posses the skills to live quite comfortably in an iron jungle (budgeting skills, a complete professional wardrobe, keen street smarts, my daddy’s money and my mama’s good looks?), oreo the orca whale is having to make some adjustments in preparation for life outside of fuglasville. step number one involves me backing up my ridiculous claims with some actual results. yeah, that’s right, i am, in fact, toilet training my cat. papa bear purchased a fabulous product, aptly named citikitty for us off the interweb and operation “cat peeing in the toilet” is in full swing in the lantzalot (so punny) household. in about 25 complicated steps you too can have your mean little bundle of black and white fur tinkling in the potty instead of in the litterbox. well, guess what? oreo is a stubborn little shit and we are stuck around step 5. she has a strange new habit that involves me taking her outside on a leash and her doing her business outside instead of in her citikitty toilet contraption. that’s right folks, instead of turning my cat into a well adjusted urban feline, i’ve made her a dog. let’s face it, it could be worse; i could have made her into a hamster, and everyone knows cedar chips smell weird (although i would love to see o-ey run in one of those metal wheels, not that she’s capable of running in the first place, for serious). did i mention that i bought stupid o an adorable little pink harness and matching retractable leash? well, it did, and watching her walk with them on is the funniest thing i’ve ever seen. she hates it and walks in a manner dubbed “flat cat” by mrs. panda. all around, complete, success.
so, let us review. oreo and i are moving out. i still have no job. princess oreo still cannot use the human potty or walk on a leash without doing something most similar to a military crawl. the life plan is in full swing people, and going quite well.
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| leashed/pissed |
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| crazy cat lady paraphernalia |
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| orey in "nature" |
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| proof that i will be single forever |
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false promises in eye catching packaging/ugly cat
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| [insert potty joke here] |
Dear Friend, I'm sorry that I ever told you about Shark Tank. CitiKitty is clearly a rip off and that picture of the litter inside the toilet makes me reconsider why I am friends with you, that shit looks gross man!!! But really, it comes down to Shark Tank - the best TV show ever. If the owner of this product would have taken the deal with Barbara you would have a quality product. But instead she took the deal with Kevin Harrington, who adds no value to the product he just has alot of connections with advertisers and TV commercials and could really care less whether it actually works or not he just wants you to 'believe' it works so he can make his money back. This decision by the CitiKitty owner is why your cat will not piss into a toilet. That picture is so damn nasty I'm going to throw up because that's what it looks like inside your toilet - vomit. I love Shark Tank but this was a bad idea. Yet, she is getting rich because all you crazy cat ladies out there 'believe' their cat too will piss like we do. Get a fucking dog!!!!!
ReplyDeletenote the duct tape holding the toilet lid up so that fat cat isn't slammed by the lid and trapped/drowned in the toilet bowl
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